Thursday, April 5, 2012

My Sweet Little Q

It has been one year with you today Miss Q.

One amazing, fleeting year to enjoy your beginnings in our world.

One year to enjoy those chubby little fingers getting into every cupboard

and your smile that finds its way upon your face before you even open your eyes for the day. 

Wonder has filled your eyes

and you have filled my heart.

I have peace knowing our family is complete with you in it.

From your head

to your toes

you are so loved

and completely adored by all of us in the Laird household.  Even bunny.

So it was with joy that we watched you blow out your candle this morning as we celebrated our wonderful year with you over cinnamon rolls.

And imagine my delight when amidst excited laughter as bubbles swirled around us this afternoon, you took step after step toward your brother then continued to step around the patio over and over.  I cried, I laughed and I snapped pictures like crazy.  What a gift to watch you walk for the first time on your first birthday.  Such fun!


What a year baby girl.  You are pure delight.  Even in the hardest times, when sickness had overtaken your body, you smiled.  The grace with which you endure amazes me.  I'm honored to be your mother and blessed to see your smile each day.  The smile when you wake up, the smile when you accomplish something, the smile when you get into something, the smile after a hug, and the smile when you feel sleepy.  All those smiles brighten my day and you light up my world.  Happy Birthday Quincy!  I love you.  


Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Today There are Words.

A year ago I had books on my nightstand about happiness, birthing and babies.  I was waiting for Quincy to join us and complete our family and I was happy.  Today, my nightstand has a big basket full of medical equipment.  An oxygen saturation monitor, a stethoscope, inhaler medication, spacers and nasal aspirators sit where once there were books.  And I am tired.

When Quincy got RSV at two months old, I had no idea how large of impact that would have on her life.  Asthma took hold of her lungs after that and I've struggled to breath right along with her.  She was okay for a while after she got out of the hospital, but she always sounded raspy and got out of breath easily.  She worried me to no end.  I would stay awake watching her struggle to breath, doing anything I could think of to help her.  She had two more stays in the hospital since her first with RSV and gained her asthma diagnoses at six months old.  It's a non-stop battle to keep her breathing "normal."

As illness after illness came through our household those first six months of her life, I survived.  I took care of everyone and worried about everyone and tried to be strong, even when I, too, was very sick.  Well, I tried so hard to be strong and keep it all together, that I broke.  September broke me.  I was gearing up for our first move with three kids.  We move ourselves, which means it's up to me to pack most of our belongings.  I was also preparing to travel across the country solo with the kids to celebrate my sister getting married and my sister-in-law having her third sweet baby, a boy named Koleson.  As I packed our suitcases the day before the trip, I got a call that I will never forget.  Sweet baby Koleson was gone just days before his due date.  The hurt that swept through the family was and is so unimaginable.  It has changed my heart to witness loss so great.  I went home to Oregon with all three kids for a wedding and a funeral and I returned home unable to process it all and unable to breathe.  I was depressed and overwhelmed.  My chest hurt, my heart sometimes raced or skipped a beat and it scared me.  I was packing the house, saying goodbye to our awesome friends and watching Quincy work harder and harder to breath.  I was also waiting for results and more testing to see if I had a problem with my heart.  Lack of sleep and worry eventually got the best of me.

One night as I was drifting off to sleep I had a severe panic attack.  I literally thought I was having a heart attack and that it was the end.  I sat straight up in bed, gasping for air.  My arms and chest tingled, I was cold and my heart was pounding erratically.  I passed out and started seizing as Dustin tried to get 911 on the phone.  I went to the ER in an ambulance scared and alone.  I was relieved to learn it was "just" a panic attack and that my heart was fine.  Unfortunately, anxiety had settled into my body and it doesn't leave willingly.  It's something I grapple with now any time my body is stressed by lack of sleep or overdoing it. My thyroid is acting up since having Quincy, so it's possible that is playing a part in all of this anxiety. I'm waiting for answers on that.  Quincy's ongoing breathing troubles have not helped me relax.  It's been a sleepless and worrisome battle.  Words have failed me much of the time.  Finding the energy to write them down has also been difficult when I have managed to find them.  Surviving has taken all of me. 

I find myself reflecting on this past year a lot as Quincy's first birthday approaches.  It has been, by far, the most trying year of my life.  Quincy came, full of happiness and joy.  Then came illness, worry and discontent.  In some ways, I feel like we were robbed of that carefree, fun baby stage.  Mostly I'm thankful we have Quincy at all and feel lucky it's "only" asthma.  She is my last baby and this will mark the end of the baby stage in our house, which breaks my heart in so many ways.  I don't know if I'd ever be prepared to say goodbye to having a baby in the house.  Despite that, I also know that I'm into mothering as deep as I can be and don't have enough left in me to share with another.  It also seems as though we've somehow "made it" through this last year and can move on, which is amazing to think about.  One year old, so many meanings and so many emotions.  Who knew that a first birthday could be such a big milestone to a mom.  It has become clear to me from my urge to stare at her nonstop so as not to miss a moment of her fleeting babyhood, that I will be that crazy mom bawling at kindergarten graduation.  Okay, so I may have already known I'd be that mom, but this just seals the deal.
Not to come back on a low note, but this is my life right now and I don't want to forget this part and years from now wonder why the stories stopped for so long.  Sometimes there just aren't any words.  Happily, today there are.

Monday, August 29, 2011

Miss Q

With Miss Quincy in our family, we have no shortage of smiles in our house.  She is sweet, calm and happy. 

She's finally okay with a little bit of tummy time!

 And she's almost sitting up.  For now, it's more like propping herself up with her arms until she falls forward.

Believe it or not, she's even swimming!

Okay, not really, but she IS swinging!

And managing to work her way further into our hearts on a daily basis.


Sunday, August 28, 2011

Licking Life

I'm SO behind on this month's blogging!  Instead of getting further behind because I haven't caught up yet, I'm moving forward... but will be revisiting a few important points that got left out like Lawson turning FOUR!  A couple of days ago Porter got a little more up close and personal with Quincy than either of us would like.

But, somehow a light bulb went off for her.  She realized that she has a tongue.  A very cute tongue at that... I've been staring at it for the last couple of days.  In fact, when I woke up this morning, she greeted me with a big smile complete with tongue sticking out.   I'll let the video continue this story and I'll be back sooner than later to recount the stories I am now behind on.


Tuesday, August 9, 2011

The Tooth Fairytale

Once I had a girl who broke her tooth.  So, off to the dentist we went to get it fixed.  My expectations for her cooperation were very low after she bit the dentist's "barbie mirror" during our first visit.  She showed signs of feeling nervous when the dentist came to get started on her tooth.  We discussed the possibility that she just may have to keep her sharp front tooth so we didn't traumatize her too much.  Then out came the "pilot mask" AKA strawberry scented laughing gas AKA toddler tamer AKA the protagonist of this story.  She instantly became solely concentrated on taking the deepest breaths she could followed by an "Ah!" (think the sound you make after you drink a nice refreshing soda).  She proclaimed over and over "I like that 'mell!"  Within a few minutes the whole thing was done, she was happy as could be with a little plastic frog in each hand and home we went with a brand new tooth!  Thank goodness for laughing gas!  If only I had some on hand at home... it would be a whole new world!

....and they all lived happily ever after..... 



Saturday, August 6, 2011

Four Months


Saturday, July 23, 2011

Baby Sharp Tooth

I'd like to introduce you to my baby sharp tooth.  She went for her first visit to the dentist a few days ago.  Her very sweet dentist made fast friends with her and even got permission to take a look at her "pretty princess teeth" with her "neat barbie mirror."  All went well until the mirror got close to her face and she freaked out and tried to sink her vampire tooth into it.  So, on August 3rd when it's time to put a composite filling on her tooth, she will go into the "quiet room" to wear the "caterpillar blanket."  Basically, she'll be in a heavily insulated room where no one will hear her scream in a straight jacket as they fix her broken tooth.  I'll be right there by her side reminding her of all the ice cream she gets when it's all over.  I could handle the broken bottom tooth, but Team Vanity wins this time and her straw compartment is only sticking around for another 10 days or so.


Monday, July 18, 2011

Keep Calm and Carry On

We've all seen the posters... but I think the "panic and freak out" version is often my first reaction.  Being calm is a conscious choice.  Especially in the midst of chaos.

Motherhood is chaotic much of the time.  Today, simultaneously, Lawson was throwing a fit wanting to play with me, Quincy woke up crying from her nap and Naomi tripped while walking and broke her front tooth on the floor.  I literally had to take a deep breath and tell myself to be calm.  It was a true "Keep Calm and Carry On" moment.  We had literally just taken this photo (a copycat of a photo I saw recently) to represent such moments.  It about sums things up.

Naomi is going to the dentist on Thursday to have her new sharp front tooth checked out and hopefully fixed.  In the meantime, she looks like a true Mississippian and is still her usual wild and crazy self.


Thursday, July 14, 2011

The Elusive Toddler

 Naomi is a busy, busy girl.  She has a demanding schedule of play.  When she isn't watering her tricycle tires, she's got slides to go down an dolls to soothe from their crying.

 Taking pictures is not high on her to-do list and in fact, she isn't really a big fan most of the time.  I have lots of pictures of her sweet, glaring eyes.  "Mom, stop taking pictures and PUSH me!"

 Even when I get great lighting and she's dressed cute enough for the pictures to count as her "two year photos", she is NOT happy being told to hold still for a second.

 She can be tricked to hold still for a second by doing a little bird watching from the window.... but it's still sans her smile that I love.

I remember feeling guilty after Naomi was born that I had so many pictures of her, but Lawson was hardly in any of them.  Now Naomi is hardly in any of them and Quincy can't escape the camera.  Kids turn two and can not be bothered with holding still long enough to be anything but a streak in your photo.  I have lots of great blurry smiles as she bolts across the view of my lens, some great running away shots and some strange looking empty room shots where I click, hoping to catch her in action, but miss.  These days, if Naomi is in the picture and it isn't blurry, it's a keeper.  That's all the criteria I have.  But, I am still on a mission to get a nice, happy "I'm two" picture of her soon.  She's only going to be freshly two for a little while longer....


Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Pretty Like a Flower

"She's Pretty like a flower." -Naomi on Quincy
(I agree with that statement.  And so are you my sweet Naomi.) 


Monday, July 11, 2011

Pep Talk


Sunday, July 10, 2011

Sitting Up = Cooler than Spitting Up

Quincy is working on a new trick.

Falling has proven sometimes fun and sometimes very frustrating.  But, she's already improved her technique since yesterday, when she suddenly stayed sitting after I let go.  I'm also quite sure there are teeth on the way.  She seems to be in a bit of a hurry!


Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Three Months

My little Quinni Mini has officially made it through "the fourth trimester."  That first three months are basically like a gestation period outside the womb.  Now, she's finally seeming like a real little person, which is really fun!  At three months Quincy weighs in at 12lbs10oz (60th percentile) and is 24.5" long (88th percentile).  This is a 6oz weight gain (though she dropped from the 87th to the 60th percentile) and a growth of one inch in length.  She's currently perfecting holding her head all the way up... those big cheeks have made it quite the effort!  She's standing up well and loves hanging out in the Johnny Jump Up. 

She's also loving her new play mat.  She'll lay there flapping her arms and legs around  and squealing at the hanging toys for long periods of time... which means I'm loving it too! 

The babbling has begun and I swear she's started saying HI. Several times now I've said "hi" then she looks right at me and says it back.  She's either brilliant or it's a coincidence.  I'm sure she's just a genius!  No rolling over or anything like that going on.  She's pretty content to sit and observe at this point.  Which, is a-okay by me!  She can take as long as she wants to mobilize!  She is trying to run up my stomach when I hold her now, which is kind of exhausting for me, but compared to Naomi, who was trying to run, jump, leap and do backflips when I held her, this is nothing!  For now she is just a happy little thing and is generally quite easy going, as long as her belly doesn't have a bubble giving her grief.  No complaints here... I think we'll keep her!

And just for fun, a little side-by-side line-up of the girls.  I didn't think they looked much a like, but I guess they sort of do!  In fact, Dustin had no idea who was who when I showed this to him.  He just looked really carefully for who had the extra cheeks!  He eventually got it right, but after much going back and forth.  haha