Thankful

I've been breathing for a few hours now. Well, I assume I've been breathing all day, but I notice that I'm breathing when both kids are asleep and I can hear the breath going in and out of my chest. And it is in this quiet that I can recognize how thankful I am.

I. am. thankful. SO thankful for these tiny little people, whose big smiles burst through the monotony of the day and make me want to have a toilet that sparkles and a laundry room that I can see the bottom of. Thankful that I have a laundry room to keep up and toilet to clean in a house that we made our home and are slowly making beautiful. Thankful that even if our house isn't beautiful yet, the memories we are making it are beautiful and unforgettable. Thankful that even though Dustin is gone a lot, we have a lot of love and that counts for a lot more than the space between us. And sometimes I am so thankful for this life that I live that I don't care if my house is a disaster, so long as I get to hold my kids and take in their smiles. Right now I am so thankful because I get to go into our dark little room lined with 70's wood paneling (it's on the list... after floors upstairs) that we all share together (since both upstairs bedrooms have no floors) and listen to the sweet little noises that they make as they sleep. And when we wake up, I get to see the first smiles on both of their faces and hear the first funny little words that come out of Lawson's mouth.

Sometimes it takes a couple of hours all to myself to appreciate how good I had it all day and how good I will have it tomorrow. The silence brings perspective and the sparkle of the house after a marathon cleaning session somehow leaves me feeling like I could conquer the world! Look out world, my carpets are clean and my ceramic cooktop practically gleams! Funny thing is that with this reflection and appreciation, a sadness also ensues. This day is over. This wonderful, sunny day full of sprinklers, cuddling Naomi, dancing in the kitchen with Lawson and drinking wine with friends is done. A wonderful day that we'll not get back again. My little one's will never be this little again. Just last night, Naomi found her thumb and rolled over and every day Lawson adds new words to his vocabulary. They grow so fast. I am so thankful to watch them grow, but a little sad that each day passes so quickly and sometimes it takes the night for me to realize how good the day was. And a little sad that as good as this day was, it wasn't shared with my husband. That could have made the day better, but I'm still so thankful to have talked to him today and to know that he'll be home soon to enjoy this the little moments with the littlest members of our family. For now, it's just so important to keep my perspective and appreciate the moment I'm living before it becomes the moment I've lived.

Thank you for today and the joy it brought. Thank you for tonight so I could appreciate today. And thank you for tomorrow so I can try to appreciate today before it's tonight.