Saturday, March 5, 2011

The Backwoods Creepster

I swear, a few times during each pregnancy, I run across "the creepster."  The guy who seems just a little too glad to see a pregnant woman walk by and totally gives me the creeps!  Sometimes the man is business-y with a cell phone in his wedding-banded hand and sometimes the guy is a young, normal looking dude who is just overenthusiastic to discuss all things baby and belly.  This time, it seemed I may have made it through my pregnancy without one of these run-ins.

But then it happened.

So, I'm at Lowes with the kiddos.  I park and get out to get a cart, giant cart cover in tow (don't worry, it's been washed since the vomit situation).  As I'm putting on the cart cover, this forty-something backwoods looking dude (we do live in rural Mississippi) in a really "vintage" Chevy leaps out of his car like some sort of hee-haw superhero and starts walking toward me just a little too fast.  So weird.  I beeline it back to the car and mentally note the burly looking man in the big truck parked nearby just in case I needed his assistance.  Just as I open the car door, I hear backwoods guy say something loud and mumbly. I ignore him.  In part because I'm really hoping he's not talking to me and in part because I have no idea what he said and I really don't care to.  I just start putting Naomi in the cart and the man walks OVER to me at my car.  What.  the.  heck.  Boundaries???  He's standing all of about three feet away with his yucky smile and practically shouts "I said, "how you feelin'?!" as he rubs his very own preggo-looking belly and looks me up and down with his crazy beady eyes.  My mind was spinning, I was freaked out, having a braxton-hicks contraction (surely brought on by his crazy leap and lunge behavior) and was convinced that I was about to be standing in a puddle of my own pee.  I considered karate chopping him, but realized the belly and knee-length skirt were too big of obstacles.  I also considered jumping in the car, locking the door and staying there as long as I needed to.  Eventually, I said something to him.  I have no idea what it was, but it did the trick.  He left as quickly as he came.  Crisis averted.  Though it did leave me desperate to find the bathroom, grab my plants and paint and get the heck out of there.  I swear, this super-market-sweep type shopping I have been forced into the last few days is my new work-out! 

So, I'll add him to my list of pregnancy creepsters and be thankful he just had some deep, profound need to know about my well-being.  Weirdo. 

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3 comments:

  1. OMG Kim I hate that so much!! Doesn't it make you wish you could only go out with Dustin in tow as well? I never get creepy guys around when Sabe's with me, but always did when he wasn't. UGH guys are so weird sometimes!

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  2. Oh no Kim! Yucko!! You are just so adorable you are irresistible to make comments to!

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  3. Lol I just moved to Arizona from Mississippi in the fall... and one thing I don't miss is the rednecks... then again, Flagstaff is full of stoned hipsters so that's about as bad!

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