Unwelcomed Visitor

Not exactly the kind of house guest I was hoping to have at breakfast time.
Meet GIANT NASTY MONSTER SPIDER!!!
This thing was seriously a good two inches across. Holy Aracnid.

Now, let's not kid ourselves. This particular spider was not actually MY house guest (thought it looks just like it... the HOBO spider), it was someone else's house guest who happened to be IN SANE enough to pause and take a photo before their chance to capture it escaped and it disappeared to cozy up under their bedsheets! I couldn't have gotten my vacuum cleaner any faster than I did to suck this monster of a spider up! That's right. I do not smash spiders. That would require getting far to up close and personal. I suck them up with the 4 foot long hose on my Dyson, scream as it thuds against the top of the hose and let it run for a while to make sure they have no chance of coming back out the way they came in. I usually also do the creepy bug dance. I'm not proud of this, but it's the truth. I hate spiders with a passion. All bugs for that matter. This spider made my stomach flip over twice, hit my toes and nearly come back up my throat. I couldn't even scream because my stomach was busy taking up shop in my throat deciding whether to hang onto breakfast or not. I've checked the house over thoroughly for this nasty monster spider's friends and have yet to come upon them, but let this be a warning. I do not treat unwelcomed visitors kindly! YOU HEAR?!?! Go away you nasty, nasty spiders!!!

Side note: When side tracked by a spider, don't be surprised if you turn around to find your not-yet-sipped-from cup of coffee (already luke warm thanks to mom duties that inevitably arise after the coffee is poured) being shared with baby doll. Which means, the carpet and white microsuede chair and the sharer of your coffee are all covered in it. At least it was in the spirit of sharing!