30 Days of... HOME - Calibrated.

I have been living in photography sin.  I have been uncalibrated.  I have been limping along, hoping my monitor is getting the color right and crossing my fingers that the finished product is going to look the same to everyone else on their monitors or when it's printed.  It hasn't been working.  Everything looks greenish or bluish on other monitors.  !!!!  People do not look good tinted green or blue.  Deathly is the word that pops into mind... followed by sickly.  I've somewhat calibrated my monitor now and have a mountain of photos to color correct, but I'm going to wait for my calibrating software to arrive to dig into that.  Anyway, I'm sure you all don't care about my monitor and it's color issues.  What I realized in dealing with this is that I have been living in an uncalibrated HOME.  This month is 30 days of HOME and it's been tricky.  I meditate on the word "HOME" daily and try to assess what makes something a HOME and what it means to me, but I hit roadblocks left and right.  What makes something a HOME for one person, doesn't apply to another.  Nothing seems universal.  But, today I did realize that in order for something to be a HOME, it has to be calibrated, so to speak.  Universally, for everyone.

A HOME is specifically planned out to appeal to the homeowner.  There is a certain type of decor and a certain palate of color .  Particular finishes are chosen.  The HOME is organized in a way that improves daily operations within it's walls and out.  In many ways, it defines how one lives.  If it is calibrated properly, the person dwelling there will be much more at peace.  My house has been uncalibrated.  It has been ripped apart, shuffled around, left unfinished in all sorts of places and been undecorated for the most part due to it's state.  I have been in limbo for three years with this house.  It has been a place to hang my hat, a project, a nuisance and the thorn in my foot.  It has also been a place we have become proud of and learned from and made wonderful memories of growing our family in.  The things that have happened here have made it our HOME, but until recently, it hasn't been a place that felt like "mine."  I hadn't gotten to put my stamp on it.

It was disorganized thanks to the shuffling around of our lives and it caused me a huge amount of stress.  I hate disorganization.  SO MUCH.  Stray objects, without a HOME of their own, make me in sane.  Any HOME of mine, would be organized.  Mine was not until recently.  Now I feel much, much better.  In my house, I had a lot of things that didn't feel like mine.  I have a lot of acquired furniture that I like just fine and am so thankful to have, but it's not what I'd go out and buy right now.  I have a lot of decor that I bought before we even got married or at the very beginning of our marriage.  It does not suit me anymore.  However, now I've found ways to make much of it work for me.  Sometimes just painting and changing hardware make it feel new again and it becomes even better than something I'd have bought.  There is a history there, but with my name all over it.  It belongs in my house.  The more I make for this house, the more I like it here.  Organization and decor seem really simple, but if those two points within your home are uncalibrated to your taste or needs, your house will feel like simply that.  A house.  Like some one else's house at that.

Here's an example:  If you walk into your kitchen to make dinner and find that someone has come in and rearranged everything in your cupboards and drawers, I defy you not to get hair-pulling pissed as you fumble around and it takes you twice as long as it should to get food on the table.  Even if "random kitchen re-organizer person" did a great job organizing, it's going to be different from how you'd have done it and it's not going to help your flow as you go about your kitchen tasks.  You set your house up the way it works best for YOU and in doing so, make it feel like your HOME.

So, here's what I know:  HOME'S are incredibly personal spaces.  There is a saying, "HOME is where you hang your hat."  And that is true, as long as your hat is hung where you want it and can find it quickly.  There is another saying, "HOME is where the heart is."  That one keeps popping into my head for numerous reasons, but for now I'll just say that if your house is so out of tune with your needs that it causes you stress, your heart is going to be sick.  And I'm not sure where a sick heart's HOME is.  Each little thing we get finished on this house lifts a little more weight off my chest.  I feel a little more free and a little more at HOME.  It also wrenches at my heart since we're leaving this place just as I'm finally starting to settle here.  But, my point is, the more calibrated to our lives this house becomes, the more it feels like HOME.  We're putting our stamp all over this place and it's making a huge difference.  Now, as for other people seeing the same thing as we do when they look at our house, I can't say.  I think that only matters with the color in my photographs and a calibrated monitor.  This house is ours and as long as we love it here, we're HOME.

The View From Here and 30 Days of...

Sometimes you don't know what you have until it's gone. I know what I have and am a little sad to be leaving it soon. This is a photo from a wonderful walk last evening at the close of a great visit from Aunt Kelly and Uncle Dave. This is the lake that is next to our house. Gorgeous! If you walk to the dock and stare across to the other side of a lake you will see a sand bar separating it from the ocean. Which means, if you stand on the sandbar you are uniquely situated between both ocean and lake. On the shore of two bodies of water all at once. It is one of a kind and quite a beautiful place to call home. If only for a few more months.

Which brings me to my next topic. It is the first day of February and that means the start of another "30 Days of...". This month is 30 Days of HOME.




In the military, I've learned that a HOME can be a very unit. These past three years have found me spending 3-4 months at our home in Washington with my husband and then 3-4 months at my mom's house in Oregon while he's deployed. Over and over again. And then, when we were at our house, we moved upstairs, then downstairs, then upstairs, then downstairs then upstairs again. I have lived like a gypsy of sorts and it has left me wondering what it is that makes a person HOME. Is HOME a physical place or a state of being? Are there conditions that must be met for a person to be HOME? What is HOME to me?

HOME: A place in which one finds comfort, belonging and relief.

As I prepare to pack up again and move our family to Texas in April, there is no better time than now to explore what it means to be HOME for me. They say that "home is where the heart is" and I wonder where it is that my heart lies.

Perspective: 30 Days of Simple

I've got my sister and her soon-to-be husband coming to visit this weekend (YAY!), so I'm wrapping up my "30 Days of..." a little early.


I've come to realize this month, as I integrated SIMPLE into my life, that it is really all about perspective.

In a new situation, I like to sit back and observe for a while. To watch life unfold around me and see how I feel about it. Decide what I think about it. I gain perspective. Nothing is ever completely black and white (at least not for me) and this removes the mental clutter and simplifies. It makes life manageable. There is much to be learned from watching.


That's not to say that other times, it's not simpler to just take the train by the whistle and put your cars on the right track.



As a mom, the conductor is the role I have to play. I have been put in charge of two new little
lives and it is up to me to be sure that we are chuggin along as we should. This is both wonderful and stressful to me. This is the job that finds me saying SIMPLE, SIMPLE, SIMPLE. The mental clutter sneaks in somewhere between the tv noise, the overzealous "NO, BABY!" being shouted by my toddler, and the phone call I'm trying to make while I cook dinner and the baby begins to cry at my feet to be fed. Really, it's not that big of a deal. But, in that chaotic moment, the demands being placed on me are many, if not small each on their own. I have to remind myself that the perspective needs to be switched to SIMPLE. As soon as I get in that mind set, it's all instantly calmer. *insert slow, airy new age music here*

So, while I did integrate SIMPLE into my life in tangible ways, such as organizing my recipes or making a schedule for the next day each night, it really became a mantra for me. SIMPLE is what I told myself when I needed to regain perspective. Such as when I looked across the house from the kitchen to find the floor covered in an insane amount of Lego Duplos just before I was going to vacuum. I was intensely annoyed right off the bat... then I chose SIMPLE. And it was funny. And it was a game and we found ourselves laughing and scurrying to race the legos back into their box. It was much different from the nagging, demanding tone of "put your toys away" that I would have adopted without the change in perspective. And so I came to realize that my definition of SIMPLE has changed.

At the beginning of this month (well, the middle, if we're counting) this was my definition:

SIMPLE: pure and without distraction.

and now it is

SIMPLE: is a state of mind; a perspective one chooses.

My original definition describes the state of mind; pure and without distraction. But, the key for me has been realizing the it is a choice I make. I decide to simplify. I choose SIMPLE.

Dustin's Take on "Simply Tumbling Down"

Dustin does not mess around. As Ming Ming the duck would say, "This is serious!!!!". If you have NO idea what that means, it's because you either don't have young children or don't turn on your tv... and that's okay. Dustin is very, very good at making things tumble down. The demolition is the easy part and it's the putting back together again that takes....


a while.


A good while.


A very, very good while.


I've gotten a little bit better at patience as I've lived in a house that is always torn apart to some degree. Now, as we find ourselves just 3 months away from moving, the downstairs is being torn to pieces. The flood in October kicked things off in grand style! Now that we're back, Dustin has begun the continuation of the demolition of this house I call my home. One night last week, he disappeared down stairs for a while. I didn't think much of it, but soon he returned and led me down to our "master bedroom." And, no, this is not going where you think it is. A little background to start with: this bedroom started out with textured wallpaper painted a horrible tone of blue, so my mom and I removed it to reveal the equally hideous seventies wood paneling. After the flood, the carpet was removed and we were left with some nasty cement for a floor. All around ugly. That's what I expected to see. But, to my shock, horror and excitement, it was even more disgusting than I ever could have imagined. Did I mention that Dustin is really good at the "tumbling down" part?

Shock and horror.

Exposed beams. Kind of cabin-chic, right??

Our new firewood. We're burning down the house, one piece at a time.

See the lovely blue color still hanging out in the closet?

Our stained concrete floors... this is popular now, isn't it??
(Just so you know, that isn't mold... it's some substance leftover from a previous asbestos abatement)

The good news is that this is actually a step in the right direction, as much as I want to throw up looking at it. But, there are no walls, no ceiling and no floors. I can live with no bathroom door (and have for three years), but I do need some walls. I'm obviously high maintenance. Now, if all goes as planned, this version of "simply tumbling down" will be "simply put back together again" pronto and once again, there will be walls.

Simply Tumbling Down

Lawson is building trains with his blocks again. He's got one going that's"BIG" and awesome and even has a smokestack on the engine. Then, along comes Naomi. "NO, BABY!!!!!!" And they all come tumbling down. "Mess." He says it very unenthusiastically and stares at the ground for a long while. Pretty soon, his cheeks begin to puff out and a smile sprouts on his face. "YAY!!!!" It seems that it's just as fun to play with the blocks when they are knocked down as it is to meticulously place them one after another as they become a masterpiece of a choo choo. Leave it to my children to teach me a lesson during my 30 days of SIMPLE.



Life only goes smoothly for so long. The best laid plans go flying out the window as you fly down I-1OhNo. I've gotten better at not planning too many details. I like to plan, but life goes better when there aren't expectations waiting behind door number 2. Without expectations, it's hard to get let down. No build up equals very little let down when things don't go "as planned." This is SIMPLY because there was no plan. If we plan things out down to the last detail, something is bound to go awry and we are bound to feel some degree of failure. I say, let your hair down, know what you want at the end of the journey, but leave the route taken up to the changes in the weather! Had Lawson been set on building his train and chugging it around the living room to some special location on the other side of the coffee table, it would have ruined his day to have it fall to pieces. But, he's a little man and doesn't have much foresight. He flies by the cloth-diapered seat of his pants! So, when his train got knocked over, it only disappointed him for a second before he realized that the process of building this train just got a little more exciting. I'm not sure he'd have seen it that way had he been set on where it's track were leading.

So, it's SIMPLE. Let life guide you. Let go of the details. Make a list, but don't necessarily stick to it. Use it as a guide. Have goals and aspirations. Just don't beat yourself up if you aren't getting there as quickly as you'd hoped. Don't get angry when you absolutely must get the kitchen counters wiped down and both children desperately want your attention. Okay, so that last one was for me. It's okay to put our days in the hands of life. We may not always know best what's ahead of us and sometimes there are better ways to get there than we think. It's that simple.